i come bearing a bedtime story! quite sad and funny one.

there was a race.
and 2 athletes.
1 ran for the country, 1 for her school. (sad i know)
school runner knew she'd never be able to beat country runner. ever. no shit sherlock.
prize of $1000 at stake.
so the race began.
school runner used oil, black magic, sticks & stones.
school runner won. country runner was battered, injured & bruised.
school runner smirked and ran to her prize, basking in all the glory; what did she achieve? fame. (wanna say fortune but $1000 ain't shit issit?) PRIDE.
country runner was scorned; if she rocked up to the media and told of the truth, and school runner's cheating ways; she'd be stoned for "attempting to steal the lime light" from the underdog. if she didn't, how would she explain to her manager? to herself? to mr. veritas and mr. equitas?
and so she was ridiculed and shamed, taunted and shoved aside by her team, by her country.
what sort of well-loved country runner could not beat a school runner?

for days she felt like crappola- pic of school runner splashed on papers to rub salt into the wound.

and then...
how much OIL and BLACK MAGIC and STICKS & STONES can she use?
how much self integrity and dignity would one put on the line for earthly glory?
how many times would she be able to pull this shit off?
how long will it take for these half-arsed talentless spectators who know not a flying fuck about running to get bored of this non-factor and move on with better things to talk about and new gossip?
which real country will abandon their sportsmen?
$1000 prize money? she was a fucking runner for her country. she doesn't need the fucking pitiable amount.

in the end, she felt sympathy for the school runner. must have been hard running against her. must have sold her soul to the devil for the ill-gotten fame that she now possesses, temporarily that is. she needed it more than me, she thought. oh well. dirt of the shoulder!

david beckham @ world cup?

bah! the best thing about the whole situation is this:
me: hey hey *** imagine is blablabla did that to you?
him: hahaha... blablabla will NEVER do that to me.
and we are supposed to say the same about the people we know.

FUCK THIS IS AWESOME.
!!!!@!!!@#@

i got that fire-fire-fire on the dancefloor!!!

i think a lot of people do things without knowing what they are playing at. if they are so far out of the league they are playing another game? imho, if you want to invest so much effort and time into something, at least make sure the other person cares.. LOL! so fucking funny can die dot com. sigh. rip off lines and jokes and single white female happenings but the truth of the matter is... take a look at the people who get conned and sucked into facades. look at the quality of the ppl (if there is any). anyways, i think the world has maintained a great way to remain round. like ROUND like a ball? racial injustice in malaysia only serves towards the strength of one particular suppressed race hence they always become stronger and the protected always become more incompetent etc. same goes for a lot of things. to become better, one must first dispose of all the shit in his/her life aka DETOX! today i picked up my phone and she was like: fuck man!! someone smart once said you're not going to get better from hanging out with idiots all the time. and its so damned true!!
and i just burst out laughing in the middle of campus because ... aiyar, because lah.
in her case, i think people stop encouraging her either because (a) they undermine you or (b) they know you can do well but don't want you to or (c) they can never for the life of (insert whoever's name here) achieve as much as an inch of what you can or (d) ALL OF THE ABOVE. wawawa MCQ.
ANYWAYS! received good news for ppl who love bad news today! YIPPEE this means i'm spending my year travelling woohoo. HEY HEY HEAR HEAR if i went to a club dressed in pyjamas i might as well stay at home la diu. lowlifes.
d guetta for life omgbbqwtf y'all not gonna understand this shizzo; achieve higher state of mind play mgmt and eots on repeat. and ENJOY your fakeness and pretend u have fun, hehe. see u on the other side yo!

Who knew writing a platform was going to be so hard!?

It's almost like a frigging assignment.

"And since she is not going to grace us with her presence tomorrow, we have the option of moving our PARTEH to somewhere where it will not take us 1 hour + to get into."

awww... honestly!

i made such a HUGE mistake with the flights it's not even funny. was consciously telling myself to book the night after the VII plans, BUT found out like couple hours ago that i'm flying home tmr night. what a poo. things always happen for a reason though. one more day, and possible party time with the girlies at home so i guess i'm not complaining!

anyways. to address somethin'-somethin' that needs a little commentin' on. people always like to think they are indispensable. and while i think it's human nature, i think the degree to which you are in fact dispensable depends a lot on knowing yourself. i've seen ugly, i've seen bad and i've seen the best that people can offer. but what i can say is i never regret sticking to the values and principles i promise myself to uphold. whether that necessarily leads to ultimately good or bad outcomes, i think it an honourable thing if you can look back and say well, at that point in time, i didn't know it would turn out this way but i stuck to what i believed in and so there! not to sound like some martyr, but if the silly things can bring joy and content to some at the expense of ppl with bigger hearts then so be it. it's like robin hood's robbing the rich and giving to the poor. if something bad were to happen, might as well be unto the one with the capacity to handle it rather than the weak. lashing and flashing might do the trick but sometimes, and i quote wendy on this; logic and sensible thinking does not work when you try to rationale with a wall.
Walls and Dogs.
i do not feel the need to hmm, how do i word it? critique? insult? on the actions of others, merely because i would only be teaching ppl lessons they do not deserve. but u know how a coin always has two sides. recently, i have seen and felt things unimaginable for some ppl. epic events in life where i would draw upon in the future and say... omg if i could keep that sort of happiness in my pocket for the rest of my life; i would be the person who has it all. honestly the people i have filled my life with are 100% awesome. i say it again and again, because it's so true. :) i would go into the details of what some have done/gone through for me but someone once said if something was really important to you, don't talk abt it - ingenius.

i accepted the nomination for the eb elections, and being on the org comm for RnR night, as well as having an assignment due 2/10 means that i have approx 23 hrs to settle all this shit. and get eucalyptus oil for the aunt.

respect the parents.
not only through word, and what you tell others.
but through deed.
are you old enough to be responsible for yourself and to fulfill your responsibilities towards them?
if you are, are you doing a good job of it?

conditions, occasions, facts. and i just found my new tattoo.

putting up with immature nonsense from a child is one thing right, but putting up with childishness from a supposed adult is unneeded. i don't even know why i care to try to make conversation with you for the sake of being civilised and trying to be mature about it. it's come to the point where the humour has worn out and the annoyance has just flared, and it's seriously like just grow up lor.

if you can't deal with it, then you can't lah okay. and if you say you can deal with it then act your age not your shoe size and attempt to act a bit more grown up i beg you not only for my sanity but for your dignity too. i have a limit as to how much i am willing to try and honestly the sort of intellect you have to offer is not worth all the crap you pile on top of it. you're like chandler who uses humor and annoyance to hide deeper feelings but the loveable thing about him is that he has an actual personality under all that bullcrap. yours, on the other hand, i have long felt, IS your personality.

you don't even have the social ability to make friends and the friends you have you can barely keep a proper conversation with, yet you have the cheek to make rude remarks and LOA comments which i can brush off easily as just "you" and something you do. I am making excuses for you now. then from all these stupid comments you blip at me from time to time you dare to pass a judgment on me in my face? see how much you can wank yourself to happiness lah.

much annoyance,
tracy.

Doing:
1. Conceptualising AIESEC's Leadership Development Passport proposal and template.
2. Organising AIESEC's Mentorship Night in lieu of the Mentorship Program.
3. Bits and pieces of research for assignments due 14th, 22nd and 25th September.

Listening to:
1. David Guetta ft. Kid Cudi - Memories
2. David Guetta ft. Akon - Sexy Bitch (but who's not listening to this eyh?)
3. Calvin Harris - I'm Not Alone (Deadmau5 remix)
4. Laroux - In For The Kill (Skream Remix) yang konnonnya adalah Lapsap's favourite which they played towards the end of their set. Tapi yg mereka main in Supre adalah remix yg paling best tapi tak dapat cari sial.
5. Sidney Samson's Riverside (I can't get enough)
6. Ting Ting - Great DJ (Calvin Harris remix)
7. Bass Kleph & Stellar - I Spend My Money
8. Jeremiah - Birthday Sex (some funky mash up with Lady Gaga's Love Game)
8. AND THE BEST; Audiomash - INFINITY RIGHT NOW (mash-up of Guru Josh Project's Infinity and Akon's I Wanna Make Love Right Now)

Reading:
1. Capital Markets and Funding (urgh)
2. The Game; Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick-Up Artists
3. Xiaxue's blog

Watching:
1. The Pick-Up Artist

Playing:
1. Supermarket Mania
2. Airport Mania
3. THEME HOSPITAL

Looking fwd to:
1. SM Elections tomorrow evening
2. LCP Elections Saturday afternoon
3. KUALA LUMPUR ON THE 27TH OF SEPTEMBER

Obssessed:
1. Nando's Fiesta meal
2. MATADOR aka. Stan Tayi fucking hottest guy to have walked the planet and man who can pull off a feather boa and frigging fishnet singlet-thingo!@#

7.30 morning, 15 hours days, 4 hours travelling, 1am nights.
BUT I CAN SO FUCKING DO THIS MAN.
I MUST DO THIS.
I NEED TO BAG THIS SHIT.
just 2 cans of V, some mocha and me and my laptop; I'm going to bag this shit.

1. Thou shalt not leave seaweed + egg soup in the pot on a stove for more than a week. Things GROW.

2. Have been waking up at 0730 hours and coming home 2200ish hours the past 2 weeks. And I'm not even working full time yet.

3. Travel to Clayton involves: take 15-30 minute train ride to Caulfield station and then walk 5 mins to bus stop and take every-20-minute shuttle to Clayton lasting 25 mins on bus = BAH.

4. Having to travel there for (a) MUISS meeting, (b) AIESEC meeting, (c) Multicultural Fest = double triple quaruple BAH BAH BAHHHHH BAH BAH!

5. Working on Sundays = 1.5x on top of normal pay = a rich girl.

6. I am never, EVER telling Cinvin about anymore shops I find on my little adventures. She spreads the word, and makes me buy more.

7. Spending too much money, bf's in debt, more shopping to do, wardrobe is going to implode... the epic events in life right now.

8. Advanced international banking is (a) not so advanced after all (b) pretty easy so far actually and (c) dead-ass boring.

9. All my lecturers this semester are interestingly, old and either (a) bald/bading or (c) have greying hair and talk a.                          word.                    a.                       minute. possessing no ability to go above a monotone and like to digress from main points every nanosecond causing me and my buddies to fall asleep in class. Inevitable.

10. So I went from China groupmates to full-time working DIRECTORS of various companies for groupmates. Which is good and kinda bloody pressuring as well. This one guy couldn't answer his phone in our group meeting (and therefore, I quickly stopped messaging Felicia abt dinner while my tummy went grumble grumble) and we have MINUTES OF GROUP MEETINGS... *gulp*

11. I am SO racist against the C-country people right now, fucccccccccccccck. Like just wanna fly there and open fire man. So many of them, bound to hit one okay. Vincent says thank God I didn't decide to like go work there like I was planning. I laughed.

12. Lindt cafe is open in Melbourne! and I won't enjoy it with anyone else but the girlies!@# YIPPEE

13. When you have 2 AIESEC projects upcoming, MCF to take care of, 3 pending group assignments and household chores to do, Facebook is always ALWAYS more important.

14. To document how effed up Connex is and how much I hate them, this is a classic example of an 8am train ride.
8.15am : arrive Platform 12 in Southern Cross station. Screen reads 8.12am Flinders Street train due in 3 minutes (that means delayed 6 minutes lah)
8.18am: train ACTUALLY arrives, a miracle. get on and spread cream cheese on my blueberry bagel from Starbucks.
8.21am: train stalls in between Southern Cross and Flinders St. VERY VERY TYPICAL. grumble about the fact that train is stopping at Flinders and I have to change platforms wtf.
8.22am: OMFG MOVE ALREADY!@#
8.27am: just as I'm about to scoff down my bagel, train jerks to live.
8.30am: pulls into Flinders platform 6. Platforms 6/7/8/9 reads TRAIN NOT TAKING PASSENGERS. Lan ah liddat. Cranbourne and Pakenham lines ... so how to get to Caulfield wor!?!
8.32am: stands on platform 7 looking lost, message Suelin to complain.
8.33am: noticed Dandenong train (express some more!) is due soon! Screen reads due in 6 minutes.
8.39am: I AM STILL WATIING WTF.
8.42am: train arrives. FINALLY. obviously delayed. praying that I will be on time.
8.45am: we finally pull out from the station after its stopped for ages...
8.45-8.56am: flying past richmond, south yarra... hawksburn etc etc etc and finally malvern
8.56am: 200m before the caulfield stop, WE FUCKING STALL.
8.59am: OMFG RUSH RUSH RUSH RUN OUT OF STATION CROSS THE ROAD LIKE CHICKEN INTO BUILDING N AND INTO CLASS.
9.00am: breathe
9.07am: stupid retarded psychotic lecturer who gave everyone shit abt walking in late LAST week FINALLY WALKS IN. hypocrite.

and that's my morning.

assholes. they come and they go.
this one just left so it's time for another asshole.

you know that slip of reality in between consciousness and unconsciousness in the early hours of the morning, where you're drifting between the space of tangibles and intangibles, where the tangents of right and wrong intersect, where what you see and hear is not necessarily real but sometimes, are as real as things can get. where your grandmother is a chicken and yellow water is your drug. I have been feeling like my entirety has become this parallel existence in which I play both protagonist and antagonist and the bipolarity of character is an amazing explosion of colours like those on an artists' palette... or a wine conoisseur's palate. har, har, har. things like that are funny in this state of mind.

I bet my parents are 6000kms away going is my daughter taking speed? well, was lewis carroll? who knows.
this could be attributed to several factors including (a) an average of 3 hours sleep per day for the past week (b) excessive intoxication (which is not the main driving factor but) (c) memory lapse and (d) what we now call the conference plague. my physical breakdown has manifested itself into the emotional side of me resulting in moodswings and a pathetic self-pitying string of thoughts. however, in my defense, I would think a lot of people would have reacted in quite the similar way; if not worse.

I'm always learning new things about myself. everyday.
like for example, I learnt yesterday that bringing my flask into a bar is "so Tracy" and is frankly, totally uncool.
I learnt that I'm more honest that I'd like to be too.

do you know why you read plotless books? because they are more real than stories. life has no opening no climax no endings. it's just one moment looping into another, creating impact, progression, thoughts and perspectives. life has no steady momentum, just random motions.